Julia Roberts is Following Me

She eats at Maxine’s.

She takes walks on Main Street.

She goes to my HEB to buy milk and shampoo.

Willem Dafoe strolls down Pecan Street with a briefcase, and sits on porch swings. An excessively tall and improbably brunette Emily Watson visits Lock’s and tries the different flavors of ice cream.

The town’s teen and tween girls are in a tizzy over Ryan Reynolds and his arms at the annual fundraiser for the high school band. That is, until they hear his girlfriend Scarlett Johanssen is visiting for the weekend. Girlish hopes are dashed.

Traffic is tried up. Empty lots are full of white trailers. The Opera House swells with craft service tables, bottled water, fruit.

The twice-weekly local paper groans from the weight of letters to the editor about Ms. Roberts’ supposed unwillingness to sign autographs. Popular opinion is running about 3:1 in favor of the visiting star, leaving one particularly cranky Bastropian, who lives near the film’s shooting location, out in the small town cold.

“Did you see 71 in Grindhouse?” people ask. “There’s a scene with Kurt Russell driving a car, and you can see the Mr. Appliance sign in the background!”

“Did you know parts of the The Texas Chainsaw Massacre were filmed here?
“Courage Under Fire?
“Home Fries?
“A Slipping Down Life?
“The Alamo?”

Nearby Smithville claims Hope Floats on billboards heading into town. Up the road, tiny Manor is proud of What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

Rumor has it that plans are afoot and contracts have been signed for a Dreamworks-like filmmakers compound to be built in Manor, featuring studios, offices and housing for visiting talent.

We are slightly nervous. Part of the reason we left the heart of LA for a town of 7,000 souls deep in the heart of Texas was the way The Industry had filtered into the most ordinary parts of daily life. We made that change on purpose. Now it appears we may not have moved far enough to escape the seductive (to some) tentacles of Tinseltown.

There is hope, though. Local folklore now has that Ms. Roberts tried to book the top floor of a charming local B&B for the duration of the shoot for herself, her twins, and the nanny. The innkeepers declined.

They already had guests booked for those weeks, they explained. It wouldn’t be right to cancel the reservations of folks who were more likely to be return customers. Unspoken: movie stars are unlikely to pop in for future three-day weekends.

Here’s hoping. I like my small town and its quirks, its off-centeredness, its innocence. No offense to Ms. Roberts, who, by all accounts (save the one cranky one) was perfectly lovely and kind - but selfishly, I’d just as soon the Movie People only come visit for the day.

And go back to Los Angeles.

Or at least Manor.

Cross-posted at The New Charm School.